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Please read this message:

Those of you who have used this site to obtain your weekly dose of fun-filled entertainment should take note of the following changes:

1) It’s the end of the world as we know it.

2) I feel fine.

3) ThePasseys.com will no longer be a place for me, Tony, to rant and rave. Please refer to the new site located at www.tonypassey.com. This will be the new home for all of you who seek low grade comedy through mediocrity.

4) ThePasseys.com will continue as a web log dedicated to family values and the current events of Hollywood’s #3,467 family.

We hope that these new changes will not leave you feeling uncomfortable and estranged. The last thing we meant to do is leave a fish taste in your mouth.

I just thought this would be a good time to read over the “Sunscreen Speech” again. Rock on Crystal Pepsi! Yeah!

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“If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh, nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…whatever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen..”

You should be willing visit the blog of another. Blogs are great because of the “man-behind-the-curtain factor”. People sit in front of their computer and write things that would otherwise be embarrassing or are too personal to share in a large group. Ironically, they are sharing their personal business with the largest group; the wide wide world of web. The truth is, that if all the lonely, blogging housewives out there in internet-land knew how many fat, naked, out-of-work older men in Ohio read their blogs, they might not post such personal information.

That being said, visit your local blog today!

I have listed a few on my blogroll.

How sick is the sickest you’ve ever been. I’m not sure if I’m just getting older or if the viruses are getting more complex. But this last one lasted for 8 days. I would write more on it, but I don’t feel up to it.

Sick

Please don’t read this and take it the wrong way.

I only mean, what’s wrong with this picture.  I am not attempting to ask the question “What’s wrong with Mike?”  No man should ever ask that question.  I’ve heard there are several other blogs dedicated to that topic.

Mike

Sometime back in December, I took Jack on his first golf outing of his life. I thought that he wasn’t going to last two minutes in the cold. Uncle Jake, Jack, and I froze out in the cold (not real cold, 55 deg+-). Jack  complained a bit around the 13th hole, but he was a trooper. He made it all day. He had his own small club, but he insisted on using the big driver and irons on all of his shots and he frequently used a tee in the middle of the fairway.

Golf

By the end of the day, Jack had figured out which was his favorite “club” and was quite skilled at retrieving any ball and dropping it in the hole!

Favorite Club

This is the first and may be the last serious post on my blog. I am warning you before hand, so you do not misinterpret my tone. It is likely that your tongue has been pressed firmly to your cheek the entire way here!

The Joseph Smith Papers is a project that will publish an important collection of information in a usable format for scholars around the world to research and compare some of the most important truths of our dispensation. This work will “add a significant dimension to the Joseph Smith papers covering the entire range of his activity. This work will be an imposing presence on the shelf of any library and will provide the visibility Joseph Smith increasingly deserves”

The actual Church website for the project can be found here. This is an extraordinary time we live in and an important work that is about to go forth.

www.josephsmithpapers.net

JS

I think that many of us who know Jacob Anthony Bridges wonder how he contains all that Mojo.  You would think that “the Man” himself would be hard to keep up with. How can any girl follow that crazy schedule of non-stop dating? You would think that this life parallels the rich and the famous with all those parties and raves to attend. The entourage that it must entail, and the life a man who parties all night, through the day, and on into the next one….Here are some of the photos from his own paparazzi.

J and S

J and S 2

J and S 3

This is a special bonus photo I had in my paparazzi file of Jake on a date with his sister, Sheila.

J and S 4


In the beginning there was Tony.  And Tony was without woman…

Tony